13 years old...each day is a challenge for me because I know my body is different.
My mom comes into my room every morning and tries her best to wake me up. It doesn’t work. Again and again she tries, sometimes panicking, until finally I sluggishly get out of bed, dazed and dreading the day ahead.
“He’s just lazy. He’s just trying to get out of school. You need to push him harder”, people would tell my mom.
I’m constantly losing weight, my legs feel like cement, my body feels weak, my stomach never settles, my anxiety never leaves. I hate the way it feels to be alive and it’s wearing on me to be alive at all.
Doctors don’t believe me; they think it’s all in my head. “Your test results look fine. Maybe we should see if a psychiatrist can help.” I know it’s not in my head. I can’t deny how I feel.
My mother will listen but doctors think I’m lying and won’t help me find the truth. Finally, I’ve become so ill, they admit me to the ER. I hope this will help...but I’m only 13...I just want want to go to school. I just want to play sports. I just want to fit in with everyone else.
Instead, I’m hooked up to IV’s, I’m dragged into rooms for scans, tests, and prods. I’m stuck here for 10 days. This shouldn’t be my life. I don’t deserve this...what have I done to deserve this.
By the 10th day in the hospital, I get my validation. My results to prove what’s been wrong. “You have a rare adrenal disorder and you’re lucky to be alive...if you didn’t come here, you’d only have another 3 months to live...but you can get better.”
I take it all in...This is all I needed to hear. This is all I wanted. An answer. My life won’t be normal again but I HAVE the power to make it better. I CAN choose to make a difference. This answer is all that I need.
A post by myself, 6 months later, at the age of 14 years old