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Opening Up About My Abuse Saved Me

My triggers can be debilitating, especially ones that come from abuse.

At 8 years old I was sexually abused by a teenage boy from my neighborhood. I trusted him, I looked up to him, and I was told I would get to play my favorite video game if I performed sexual acts on him.

At the time I had no idea what I was doing. I was 8 years old; How the f*ck would I? While knowing this helped me take a step towards healing, it did not make my triggers disappear.

When I first started having sex at 16 years old my triggers felt like land mines. Any new sexual situation reminded me of the abuse I once had. I was anxious, I was not present with my partners, and I eventually found myself completely turned off from the idea of sex at all. (claiming to be asexual)

I was at a loss. I truly felt like my abuser still had power over me over 10 years later…I couldn’t stand it. My abuser had already done enough so how could I STILL let him have power over me? I couldn’t. I had to take this power back into my own hands. I had to tell somebody.

Every time I opened up about my abuse I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. It started with telling my girlfriend at the time, then my mom, then a friend, then a mentor, then finally all of you.

From taking ownership in my abuse I’ve since learned that I can’t blame myself for letting it happen to me…I was a kid. I was there, I did perform acts, but it was the abuser that I trusted and the abuser that took advantage of me. Period.

Does this mean that my triggers are completely gone? Of course not, but god do I feel so much better since opening up about it. I now talk about my abuse with confidence, I now enjoy being romantic/sexual in its entirety, and I now know what it’s like to have a life that feels like my own.

The abuse didn’t change, but what changed is me. If you’re a victim of abuse I understand how it changes the way you experience life. It takes telling one person (even yourself) to start living a life that is your own.

About Me
Photo May 14, 12 00 51 PM.jpg

I'm Taylor, a gluten-free guy with Celiac Disease, POTS, and a rare type of Adrenal Disorder. I overcame a lot during my teenage years and I'm on a journey to get the best out of my health (mentally and physically). Whether you're here for chronic illnesses or mental health; my goal is to share my story to help anyone feel happy & healthy in life. Read more...

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